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SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

From Enemy to Friend: The Inner Work of Peacemaking
Amy Eilberg

n the midst of my work as a Jewish spiritual director conflict is not necessarily bad. While many of us,
and trainer, God unexpectedly called me to the myself included, often associate conflict with pain,
vocation of peace and reconciliation. The call came estrangement, and loss, there are times when nonvio-
to me in the context of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict lent conflict can be generative rather than destructive.
when, visiting a renowned dialogue center between When honest disagreements are explored with rigor and
ITel Aviv and Jerusalem, I watched a group of Jewish respect, relationships deepen, groups gain new insight
and Palestinian Israeli teenagers beginning a three-day into shared challenges, and society is enriched by a
dialogue intensive. I found the scene so compelling that I wealth of wisdom and experience. That said, conflict
felt riveted to the floor and did not want to leave. Later, as I poorly handled—as it so often is—can have a destruc-
told the story of what had happened that day, I instinctively tive impact on individuals, relationships, societies, and
rolled up my sleeves. Though I do not believe in a God the family of nations.
who literally adjusts people’s clothing to communicate a Second, I have become convinced that many of our
message, I felt that the Divine had conveyed an embodied responses to conflict are rooted in ancient survival
message to me: “Roll up your sleeves. Get to work in the instincts still active in our twenty-first-century brains.
service of peace.” Cognitive neuroscience has demonstrated that the brain
responds to verbal or emotional challenge as it does to
This experience led me into an extended period of mortal threat, sending powerful hormones cascading
discernment about how best to respond to the call. I read through our bodies, preparing us to fight, flee, or freeze
and networked, took multiple training workshops, and in order to protect our lives. I have found these discover-
connected with a wide variety of peace activists, conflict- ies to be profoundly enlightening, explaining the fierce-
resolution specialists, and experts in the Israeli-Palestinian ness I so regularly witness in ideological, political, and
conflict. Over a period of years, it became clear that my religious debate—as if the speaker’s very life is at stake.
peace work would find expression in a number of dif- This also explains the bewilderingly powerful emotions
ferent ways: studying, writing, and teaching about the that course through us in the midst of verbal or emo-
phenomenon of human conflict; engaging in interreligious tional attack, complete with sweaty palms, racing hearts
dialogue; working to heal the divisive nature of debate and thoughts, and heads pounding with rage.
within the American Jewish community; and supporting The science that gives us this understanding of intense
organizations working for Middle East peace. At some conflict, especially in primary relationships or around
point it became clear that I was to write about the many issues that strike at the core of our identity, also demon-
dimensions of peacebuilding that I had explored. strates how to calm these primal responses to fiery dis-
1
cord. What soothes the hypervigilant, threat-conscious
Assumptions part of the brain is a sense of safety, best conveyed by
I begin with two important assumptions, elaborated respectful attention, deep listening, and slow-paced con-
in greater depth in my book, From Enemy to Friend: versation. These elements, along with prayerful aware-
Jewish Wisdom and the Pursuit of Peace. One is that ness—the fundamental stuff of spiritual direction—are
precisely what allow the mind to relax back into calm,
1 I generally observe the distinction made in peace studies circles clarity, and faithfulness.
between “peacekeeping”—security forces placed to prevent vio- Let us consider, then, how we may encounter conflict
lence between warring parties, “peacemaking”—the work of diplo- in spiritual direction. A spiritual directee may experience
macy and the crafting of peace treaties, and “peacebuilding”—the conflict within herself, between herself and another indi-
work of creating relationship between estranged groups, practiced vidual, between herself and an institution in her life, or
by individuals and grassroots organizations. with God. At times, a conflict of values or perspectives

28 Presence: An International Journal of Spiritual Direction