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SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

may emerge between us and a spiritual directee. To deep- “I place God before me always” [Ps 16:8; all transla-
en our practice of responding prayerfully and faithfully tions are my own unless otherwise indicated]. “Before
in the presence of relational tension, we must explore the me”—“lenegdi”—[literally] from the word “negdi’ut”—
inner work of peacebuilding. What happens to us in the “opposition.” I have heard that the person should return to
presence of conflict in our own lives? herself, for she has gone far from the Blessed One. It seems
to me that, according to what I have received from my
The Inner Work teachers and friends, one should behave compassionately
Think of an internal struggle you’ve had with yourself with every person. Even when one sees something ugly
in recent days or weeks, in which you have found yourself in another person, one should give heart to the fact that
angry or frustrated with an old familiar part of yourself— there, too, dwells the name of the Blessed One, for there is
a flaw, a habit, a vulnerability. Without trying to make no place empty of God. Therefore it is for one’s own good,
anything different, ask yourself: What feelings are mov- for there is in you, too, a trace of it, and you should give
ing in me right now? What bodily sensations do I sense? heart, to repent and return to God.
What can I notice about the thoughts moving through
me? I suggest you put the journal down for a moment Commenting on the verse from the Psalms, “I place
and sit in silence, then take a few notes. For your eyes God before me always,” the rabbi asks us to think of what
only, grab a magic marker and draw an image of that dark is most objectionable in our “opponent”—the person
place inside. Gaze at that image for a moment, focusing who has hurt us, with whom we are in conflict, or whose
on the feelings and energies it elicits in you. beliefs we consider offensive or dangerous. Though our
My late colleague Rabbi Alan Lew wrote, “Conflict instincts impel us to focus on the “ugly” place inside that
begins in our own heart and then we project it onto oth- person, we are to turn our attention back inside and ask
ers and this kind of projection proliferates until the world ourselves honestly, “Does that same ugliness appear in
is full of violence and conflict” (94). The conflicts that we any form in me?” The answer, in some way or another,
carry inside, the parts of ourselves we are furious with or is always yes, for the other person—our adversary in
ashamed of, the frustration or resistance we have with being this moment—is made of the same stuff that we are.
exactly who we are, are an ever-present template for how we That person, like us, is created in the image of God and
respond to conflict with others in our lives. Many people I imbued with divine breath, part of the created universe
know have within them despised places that years of thera- which is God’s. In fact, seeing that “ugliness” in the other
py and dedicated spiritual practice have not fully dislodged. and recognizing that the same flaw exists within us, even
Surely, except for the luckiest few, most human beings in a different form, becomes an invitation to a new level
have within them histories of pain and wounding, and of soul-purification in our own spiritual lives. The objec-
beliefs (even prejudicial and antisocial ones) so tightly tionable aspect of the other becomes a gift from God, an
connected to our identities that when these narratives are aid in our own spiritual journey.
threatened, we feel our very lives are at stake. I know of Now come back to the part of yourself that you have
no magic treatment, no technique that works every time, tended to regard as an “ugly” place inside. Look back at
no way to dissolve pain, fear, and animosity quickly or the drawing you made of that reviled part of yourself,
easily. Rather, I offer in this article four sets of images and remember the energy you brought to it, how your
that suggest a contemplative path for relating differently inner voice spoke to it. Breathing in the perspective of
to the tender places inside. Daily meditation on such this spiritual instruction, can you see that imperfection
images—individually and in community—may represent differently, hold it more tenderly, even be grateful for it?
the best way to soften the heart and to heal the pain of At this point, think of someone who has hurt you or
conflict, suspicion, wounding, and fear. with whom you are currently engaged in conflict. Picture
Consider this beautiful text, written by an eighteenth- that person in your mind’s eye. Once again, after holding
century Hasidic rabbi in Poland, Jacob Joseph Katz of that image in your awareness for awhile, turn inward and
Polonnoye: notice: What is happening inside you? What feelings are

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