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CONTEXTS & CULTURES

(Ex 13:21). Just as Yahweh was experienced as both by meaning to eat bread with. It is said that as the Israelites
the Israelites in their desert wandering, a spiritual direc- wandered through the desert they were fed with manna,
tor can provide shelter (in the form of affirmation and a bread-like substance, and that their thirst was satisfied
assurance) from the intensity that sometimes character- when they drank water from a rock. There is consola-
izes the search for a deeper faith, and guiding light (wis- tion along the way. There may be times in the midst of
dom and counsel) in the dark night of the soul. desert dryness when wanderers sense the presence of that
Despite the likelihood that their departure from for which they seek. As spiritual directors we can be the
conventional beliefs and practices may well be a sign source of that consolation. We must support and affirm
of growth, it is not uncommon for seekers to feel they our spiritual directees as they attempt to find their way
have strayed. When this is the case, companionship may and as they work to discover what they can believe with
take the form of helping seekers reframe their situation. integrity.
Rather than having lost their way, this desert experience But the real challenge is not only to eat bread with
can be considered an invitation to walk in faith. It can be them—that is, to accompany them through their ups and
a journey of discovery, possibility, insight, and deepen- downs—it is to be the bread that nourishes their soul, the
ing that needs to be embraced and entered into with an source of sustenance that gives them both strength and
attitude of openness, for such times are what my spiritual hope. This is accomplished not primarily through words
director calls “dark gifts.” It may only be realized in retro- of encouragement, but by a calm, patient, caring presence
spect, but when people grapple with matters of faith they through which we communicate to them that they are not
usually become more faith-filled. alone, and that the journey is worth the effort.
The American poet and essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson It can be challenging for a spiritual director to accom-
is credited with saying that everyone wants to be settled, pany seekers through the murky ups and downs of their
but only insofar as they are unsettled is there any hope for journey, for unless we as spiritual directors have groped
them. When offering spiritual direction with those who along our own uncertain path we may be tempted to pro-
are uncertain what they believe, it is important to allow vide too much guidance and not enough companionship.
them to settle into their unsettled state. We must give
them room to wander through their doubts and discour- Compassion
agements, their angst and anger, always affirming not only In a very forthright letter to an aspiring young poet
that this is the way home, but that this way is home. who sought his guidance, the poet Rainer Maria Rilke
I believe it is the role of spiritual directors to remind articulates the essence of compassion:
those we serve that the old adage is true: it is the journey,
not the destination that matters most. It is tempting to And if there is one more thing I must say it is this: don’t
try to arrive at a new set of beliefs to replace the ones that think that the person who is trying to comfort you now
no longer work. There is often an instinctual pull toward lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that
the comfort of definitions, concepts, and theologies that sometimes give you pleasure. His life has much trouble
can help us regain our balance when it feels like we have and sadness, and remains far behind yours. If it were oth-
lost our bearings. It takes courage to walk without the erwise, he would never have been able to find those words.
consolation that beliefs can provide, but the willingness (Rilke, 97)
to do so can lead to the discovery that what we seek is
seeking us. In this letter Rilke announces the fact that his ability to
Spiritual seekers can easily lose sight of this truth. In help this young man comes not from a position of power
their sincere attempt to find a faith worth believing, they but one of vulnerability. He can be helpful because he
often forget that they are sought more than they seek. As himself needs help. He can bring consolation because he
companions we need to remind those we accompany that knows the need for it. He can say the right thing because
the “Hound of Heaven” is pursing them relentlessly. of the suffering in his own life.
The word companion is from the Latin cum panis, It is something of a paradox, but compassion for

56 Presence: An International Journal of Spiritual Direction